Larry Hagner of The Dad Edge: Without Connection, No Influence
I cancelled on Larry Hagner 4, maybe 5 times before we recorded this. The last time, he sent me a text that put me in one of the biggest shame spirals of my life, because when you cancel on a man that committed to his family and his calendar, you are telling him he is less important than whatever you cancelled for.
So I checked my calendar every day until the new date. I would have recorded it in a park at the babysitter's house. That is how much I wanted this one on The Purpose Chasers, and Episode 43 is the result.
Larry founded The Good Dad Project, hosts The Dad Edge podcast and runs The Dad Edge Alliance. He has 4 boys. And he will tell you he did not have a father to learn any of it from.
You Do Not Need a Dad to Be a Good One
Larry tells the story quickly, but he does not sand it down.
"I'll paint a picture for you of how lost I really was and how crazy things got."
His parents divorced early and he has no memory of his father growing up. When his mom introduced him to the man she was dating, Larry shook his hand and asked the first question any kid in that spot would ask: are you going to be my dad? Years later he met his biological father almost by accident, spent a few months with him, and then that man was gone again.
The internal dialogue that followed is one a lot of men will recognize: I felt like a loser. I was not worth it. I was not good enough. And it spilled into his friendships, his school life, everything. The future he built with his own 4 boys was not handed to him. He chose it.
What the Hell Am I Doing?
The turning point was a moment with his son. Larry describes losing his temper, his boy hitting the ground, and then flinching when Larry reached down to help him up.
"I looked at him and I saw me growing up with whoever my mom was dating, whoever decided to have a heavy hand that day. And I was like, what the hell am I doing?"
He went into his office, got emotional and made a decision. The Good Dad Project started the way every big project starts: from an idea and from pain. The Purpose Chasers started the same way, on a car ride to work feeling completely unfulfilled.
Without Connection, There Is No Influence
This is the part of the episode I clipped for myself.
"So many of us, man, we go to our graves. We go to our deathbed with, man, I wish I would have had a better connection with my kids, but how do I do that? And we say this all the time, but without connection, there's no influence."
When your kids are little you can control them. Go to your room, do this, do that. Larry's point is that control has a shelf life.
"Once they're teenagers, all you have is connection. Connection. That's your credibility."
And then the line that landed like a dart in my chest, because the first 3 years of my business had been about providing for my family at the cost of connection with my wife:
"You never want to build a wallet full of money and come home to a house full of strangers."
My small step that year was a rule I still keep: Saturdays belong to my wife. We call it spontaneous Saturday. The laptop does not open unless she asks.
Connection Is Also How Business Works
Larry's advice to fathers is to ask different questions. Not how was your day, but questions that open something up. He is right about kids and he is right about customers. The best marketing I have ever produced came from asking a client 3 real questions on video and listening. That is the Social Proof System, and it is built on exactly what Larry teaches: connection first, influence second.
What Connection Sounds Like on Camera
Sam Haynes moves a thousand miles an hour. My workshop forced him to slow down and look in the mirror. What he found:
"A lot of times you can find out it's actually not a problem. It's a blessing."
Aurora Potts came to my workshop knowing only that she needed something more within herself. How she left:
"Now I am awakened. I feel reborn. And I couldn't be more excited about the future."
More real stories on the Happy Check client results page.
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